A Cogent Moment

Went to see my Mother today at her Assisted Living residence.  I asked her how she was feeling and rather than the usual "fine" answer, I got a "so-so" answer- a real response. I asked if she was unhappy and she responded "I am unhappy."

I didn't get the notion that she was merely parroting my questions, she seemed engaged, speaking with me compared to many other visits of separation and indifference. 

Another question provided me with an even response- I asked if she was praying. She responded with "Yes, I pray." I continued letting her know I would pray for her daily.

Then as what happens so often, she drifted away- back into the fog of Alzheimer's. But for one brief cogent moment, I felt like I connected to my Mom again and was grateful. With in a short time, her defensiveness showed up. She told me to mind my own business and I knew that my time with her was over.

I do continue to pray for her - that when her time to be called to Heaven arrives- that she is able to go peacefully and that she becomes restored to the woman she was and that she can be with my Dad who proceeded her in death.  God is merciful and good.  She deserves the mercy to release her from the prison of Alzheimer's.

The Longest Good-Bye Reprised

The time comes once again.  Last evening my Mom's nurse called to say that they suspect my Mother has a urinary tract infection. She's been more irritable and uncooperative, not taking her medications (this happened a few months ago too), but seemly to be uncomfortable.

I gave permission for the home care staff to do a urine sample and soon I'll know what happens.  And,---- then its decision-time again.

My mother's Alzheimer's is taking its toll on this once pretty, involved and connected woman.  The woman she had been hasn't been "there" for years now.  She doesn't eat much- doesn't drink fluids much- she doesn't initiate anything on her own. I am quite sure she doesn't recognize me, though at times she'll allow me to give her a kiss or a hug, but again, she doesn't initiate that.  The lack of fluid may have provided the bacterial field to develop.

Last night, I was on my knees, asking God for that discernment to get to a place where that "peace that surpasses understanding" resides.  I asked God directly for that. 

And more- as it develops......