The end to this blog has now happened. My Mother passed away into the Glory of Heaven on July 15, 2017. She joined the love of her life, my Dad, Ralph and now lives with the others in the family that have left this earthly life. 
Her end came with having fallen and broken a hip, had a urinary tract infection, common with those with Alzheimer's disease. She stopped eating-drinking- not doing any sustaining nutrition for about eight weeks and she slipped away very peaceably.

It's now been about one and a half-years since that time.

I think I miss her more now.

The disease of Alzheimer's and dementia that captured my parents brains changed our relationship for the last years of their lives. I became the "parent" to some degree, definitely the responsible adult. It is now, in review that I realize how that relationship changed and we didn't get to have those final conversations that many adult children get to have with their aging parents. 

Yet, while I still get ready to shred the sensitive documents, I take account of the accomplishment that went with it.  They were lovely people to know and those around them valued them, which was evidenced by their funeral services. The new life I have now will go on as God directs my steps as he helps me put my heart into other projects and endeavors.

Thank You , Dad & Mom for being my parents. You will never be forgotten and always be treasured for what you gave me and how you loved me.  God, please do enjoy them!

A Cogent Moment

Went to see my Mother today at her Assisted Living residence.  I asked her how she was feeling and rather than the usual "fine" answer, I got a "so-so" answer- a real response. I asked if she was unhappy and she responded "I am unhappy."

I didn't get the notion that she was merely parroting my questions, she seemed engaged, speaking with me compared to many other visits of separation and indifference. 

Another question provided me with an even response- I asked if she was praying. She responded with "Yes, I pray." I continued letting her know I would pray for her daily.

Then as what happens so often, she drifted away- back into the fog of Alzheimer's. But for one brief cogent moment, I felt like I connected to my Mom again and was grateful. With in a short time, her defensiveness showed up. She told me to mind my own business and I knew that my time with her was over.

I do continue to pray for her - that when her time to be called to Heaven arrives- that she is able to go peacefully and that she becomes restored to the woman she was and that she can be with my Dad who proceeded her in death.  God is merciful and good.  She deserves the mercy to release her from the prison of Alzheimer's.

The Longest Good-Bye Reprised

The time comes once again.  Last evening my Mom's nurse called to say that they suspect my Mother has a urinary tract infection. She's been more irritable and uncooperative, not taking her medications (this happened a few months ago too), but seemly to be uncomfortable.

I gave permission for the home care staff to do a urine sample and soon I'll know what happens.  And,---- then its decision-time again.

My mother's Alzheimer's is taking its toll on this once pretty, involved and connected woman.  The woman she had been hasn't been "there" for years now.  She doesn't eat much- doesn't drink fluids much- she doesn't initiate anything on her own. I am quite sure she doesn't recognize me, though at times she'll allow me to give her a kiss or a hug, but again, she doesn't initiate that.  The lack of fluid may have provided the bacterial field to develop.

Last night, I was on my knees, asking God for that discernment to get to a place where that "peace that surpasses understanding" resides.  I asked God directly for that. 

And more- as it develops......

And the Circle of Life Continues

...And a year later, on this day, we had the funeral celebration of life for my Dad, Ralph.  He did pass away the day following my last post. That morning when I returned home to sort out plans, make phone calls, I received a call from my Dad's Hospice Nurse, Melissa. While we reviewed the events of the weekend, a bright yellow butterfly kept buzzing my head and I mentioned it to her on the phone. We decided, it was my Dad letting me know he was good- great- and living with Jesus in heaven.

Just to confirm that it was no coincidence, this morning- the butterfly above came to visit the same flower garden- I wasn't going to let the moment pass without grabbing my camera to select the shot.

Those of you who cannot believe this- I do believe this is God's message of Hope to me delivered by my Dad who is in Heaven. 

It's been a year of healing. Following his passing, I had an amazing experience of a flood of memories of events with my Dad.  While I felt the hole left behind from his passing, the memories replaced the strong feelings of loss.  Even my Dad looked beyond happy when laid to rest.

I praise God that healing can happen when God leads you toward it.  Somewhere when I focused on healing, the fog lifted- gradually- and I now appreciate having had Dad in my life so long.

My Mom, in her confused and Alzheimer state has not missed seeing her husband. Even that day, when I told her she could only say, "Ralph? Ralph?" Still, one year later, she seems to have no awareness of his being gone.  They always said they "would go together" and in some awkward way- the Alzheimer's has spared her the awareness that the man she loved and adored has gone from this life.  There is some irony in that, yet a story in itself. Her confusion continues and I am saddened that for her, this is such a long slow journey. Friends had a chance to share their condolences with her at the Belmont Village memorial service they held in November for residents that had passed in recent months. Thank God for those individuals who were willing to come and see her individually, though, I think all came away thinking she had little idea about their reason for the visit.  Now to watch out for her...

 

A Time to Live and a Time to Die

It's actually happening. My Dad is actively dying. No longer alert- witty or wise, he lies quietly in a bed with oxygen running through his nasal cavity.

The call came late Thursday that he was suddenly having a decline. He had a very restless week- impulsively standing up and then falling over- not taking direction or giving warning- being unsatisfied with most everything. From being quiet and sleeping 20 hours/day to now no longer awakening.

As a daughter, my first reaction was grief and sadness- I've been one of the fortunate ones to have had my parents so much of my life, yet watching one decline ever-so-slowly and to be so terribly confused that a visit a few weeks back, he couldn't recognize me or even place me in relationship. 

Surrendering a parent takes some special courage when you have so admired and adored them your entire life. God has known his deeds to advance the Kingdom of God. It is now His time and Dad's time to work out the "when" of this all.

I WILL miss him tremendously-even that confused funny wit of his that I have noted in this blog site.  As I've written before- God is going to love him.  Peaceful Passage, Ralph, "well-done good and faithful servant!"

Always the Dad

It's been obvious for the duration of this blog, that my parents have dementia. Just a few weeks ago, I was preparing for some needed sinus surgery-As I do, I continue to have conversations with Dad about what's happening in my life. I mentioned having the surgery- and as usual, he surprised me with his response- "Don't worry- I'll be there to pick you up when you're done."

Let's keep in mind- the man no longer drives- he probably can't realistically even sit in a car anymore, but his intention  is to continue to be the great Dad he always has been.

That night, I shed more than a few tears- My Dad has been so endearing, so sincere in his need to reach out to me in spite of his frailties.  I miss the man he was and has been- I still think how nice it would be to have one parent still be mentally with me.  So would like to know their observation of what's happening at this time in life.

Of note: I am not mentioning my Mom this time- Father's Day came with a confirmation that my Mom has no idea who I am anymore or what relationship we have. She, in fact, swatted at me when I leaned over to say good-bye to her- she swatted at me and when I told her I was her daughter, she responded with "Since when?"  It wasn't that I didn't see that coming- I had suspected it for months but having the final "You no longer exist to me" experience, it's heartbreaking.  Now I talk  with her as if I'm merely a stranger-"Hello, Hilda, How are you today. Gee that's a nice outfit you're wearing today"  and so forth.
She truly looked frightened when I told her the truth, so now we're just passing by each other.

I'm now recovering from sinus surgery- soon I have to then go on to the repair of my teeth that have deteriorated in the past 5 years- Did you know that stress affects your mouth chemistry, making your teeth vulnerable to cavities???? Well, I do now know-

And Who Says God Doesn't Have a Sense of Humor!

There truly are things that go beyond where our imagination can take us. That happened to me in the last 72 hours.

Wednesday night I had a call that my Dad was experiencing left sided weakness and that he should go to the hospital. He did, and while the weakness subsided, it was discovered that he had a bladder infection and was dehydrated, possibly side-effects from the flu he had a couple weeks ago that  put him at risk of dehydration. So, that gave him a bed at the hospital.

Nearly 24 hours from that point, I get a call that my Mother was having- yes, you guessed it-left sided weakness, though she also was having left facial droop and slurred speech. Sounded like a significant stroke to me- so off she went to the same hospital emergency department! The scans and blood work could  not find evidence of a stroke so she was sent back to the assisted living site.

Really???? 24 hours apart?!  Well, you have to realize that these two made a pact many years ago, that "they would go out together."  Was that REALLY happening last night?!  Could it be possible for their love to transcend distance and illness?  Their 66 years of married life may actually do it- like "The Notebook" couple. 

My heart felt stopped. I was more frozen than I've ever been. I wasn't sure what exactly was going on-there have been so many "events" where I think- This is it, he can't possibly make it through this, yet he does.  I talked with friends about being uneasily numb, so numb that I couldn't cry.

I did see Dad today at the hospital-he was more confused than usual, but we could talk and just "be" together, watching the TV for the news on the apprehension of the Boston Marathon Bomber. He was engaged in the news like I hadn't seen him in some time. I said Good-Bye, with one of those studied looks to remember looking into his eyes that look back at me.  He thought he should come home with me, too. I had to tell him that his Doctor hadn't discharged him yet, so he agreed to stay. He is scheduled to leave Saturday.

And I work at yielding him and my Mom to  the Lord.  We are told we don't know the day or the hour-and we really don't.  So many of my Father's contemporaries are leaving this world peaceably.  I pray the same for him. 

The Lord is going to Love Him..