Well, had my first time-ever- today. My Dad did not recognize me. He kept asking where he was and even while I would tell him, it wasn't sticking- at all. Last week he was no where near this confused.
I could only think that the infection is now doing its damage. Dad asked if other family visit him- he asked about "Mom and Dad" aka- HIS parents, visiting him. When I told him they had passed away better than 20 years ago, he wondered why no one told him.
No one can quite prepare you for that moment when your parent doesn't recognize you. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, like a full feeling of disbelief. No matter what I said, he couldn't seem to find a file for me. He thought I was his sister.
Saying good bye like this rips a little of your heart each time. Joe Klein of Time magazine wrote an article in the June 11th issue about managing his own parents old age issues. It's a good article to read if you can get a copy. He also had the double-dementia challenge.
So, more to come.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
When the Shoe Drops
It's always, for most people, the dreaded "THAT phone call" that comes. The one telling of an accident or that someone died. Your heart can't help but race and everything else in your life drops away to what people are saying over the telephone.
I wrote in May that my Dad's urinary infection would likely return and that I struggled with the POA role to make that decision to stop hospitalizaing and treating an infection that won't go away. On July 20th, that phone call came to me around 3pm, while I was at work. I was asked what I wanted to do. Yikes, I went through that excruciating pain last May coming to that conclusion. Now, we're revisiting that decision? Really?
So, in the past 4 days I have talked and talked and talked to friends, pastors, chaplains. While I take a deep breath I've decided that by making the decision in May when I was informed but not under stress, that that decision will stay.
Dad is comfortable, alert and around people who care for him. I visited him Sunday and he seemed OK. He's getting an oral antibiotic and we'll see what transpires. Now, doing a fair amount of reflection- while he was at my home earlier this month, I noticed his stamina was poor, he would get winded with just transferring from the bed to the wheelchair.
I will miss him greatly. He is a wonderful person and truly my lifelong mentor and guide to life. While he may not realize it, he's teaching me how to deal with the end of life.
Many of my friends, too are learning how far they'd want their own family members to take their illness. One nurse I know has a list of what she does NOT want to have happen, rather than the currently vague language in POA papers deciding benefit to the individual. Maybe that's the lesson. Maybe God is having me dig deep and those who are in the journey with me, to dig deep.
That same night I received that call, my devotional book had the following reflection:
I wrote in May that my Dad's urinary infection would likely return and that I struggled with the POA role to make that decision to stop hospitalizaing and treating an infection that won't go away. On July 20th, that phone call came to me around 3pm, while I was at work. I was asked what I wanted to do. Yikes, I went through that excruciating pain last May coming to that conclusion. Now, we're revisiting that decision? Really?
So, in the past 4 days I have talked and talked and talked to friends, pastors, chaplains. While I take a deep breath I've decided that by making the decision in May when I was informed but not under stress, that that decision will stay.
Dad is comfortable, alert and around people who care for him. I visited him Sunday and he seemed OK. He's getting an oral antibiotic and we'll see what transpires. Now, doing a fair amount of reflection- while he was at my home earlier this month, I noticed his stamina was poor, he would get winded with just transferring from the bed to the wheelchair.
I will miss him greatly. He is a wonderful person and truly my lifelong mentor and guide to life. While he may not realize it, he's teaching me how to deal with the end of life.
Many of my friends, too are learning how far they'd want their own family members to take their illness. One nurse I know has a list of what she does NOT want to have happen, rather than the currently vague language in POA papers deciding benefit to the individual. Maybe that's the lesson. Maybe God is having me dig deep and those who are in the journey with me, to dig deep.
That same night I received that call, my devotional book had the following reflection:
"I will restore your Soul"
I will never leave you alone, but I will keep you safely in the shelter
of My sheepfold. I am the Good Shepherd, and I will bring you into
green pastures and cause you to lie down by still waters. I will lead you in the
path of righteousness. Fear no evil; I am with You. My rod and staff
are Your comfort. I have prepared a table for you in the presene
of your enemies. Goodness and mercy will follow you all your days, and you
will dwell with Me forever.
Psalm 23, NIV
From: Daily Declarations for Spiritual Warfare John Eckhardt 2011, Charisma House
(Of note: The timing of this also coincided with the senseless Colorado Movie Theatre Movies, this Psalm could also provide comfort to the people of Aurora, Co and our country.)
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Surprise 4th Visitors
Last Sunday, July1st, the middle-western suburbs of Chicago had a severe thunderstorm come through. The storm knocked out a path of trees and power lines, leaving the assisted living building where my parents live with out electricity. By July 2nd, when I went to see my Mom for her birthday, the facility decided to evacuate the residents.
Mom & Dad could have gone to a nearby nursing home OR go home with me-and that's what I decided to do.
We launched into it with little planning and while things were a little rocky initially, we all made it through.
The mornings and night times were the roughest, with bathing and dressing duties, but I think they enjoyed the quiet and little stimulation of a house.
Mom & Dad stayed with me 2 nightes and 2 mornings and went back to the assisted living facility Wednesday, the 4th.
While it was a good deal of work- and cooking- cleaning up and managing, I found it rewarding. I was able to accomplish care taking of two people unable to do most activities for themselves. I wouldn't have thought it possible and in the end, I was certain that both the assisted living facility and I made the right decision.
You never quite know the challenges God sets before you- I'm learning that my answer should always be "Yes, Lord!"
Mom & Dad could have gone to a nearby nursing home OR go home with me-and that's what I decided to do.
We launched into it with little planning and while things were a little rocky initially, we all made it through.
The mornings and night times were the roughest, with bathing and dressing duties, but I think they enjoyed the quiet and little stimulation of a house.
Mom & Dad stayed with me 2 nightes and 2 mornings and went back to the assisted living facility Wednesday, the 4th.
While it was a good deal of work- and cooking- cleaning up and managing, I found it rewarding. I was able to accomplish care taking of two people unable to do most activities for themselves. I wouldn't have thought it possible and in the end, I was certain that both the assisted living facility and I made the right decision.
You never quite know the challenges God sets before you- I'm learning that my answer should always be "Yes, Lord!"
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