It's actually happening. My Dad is actively dying. No longer alert- witty or wise, he lies quietly in a bed with oxygen running through his nasal cavity.
The call came late Thursday that he was suddenly having a decline. He had a very restless week- impulsively standing up and then falling over- not taking direction or giving warning- being unsatisfied with most everything. From being quiet and sleeping 20 hours/day to now no longer awakening.
As a daughter, my first reaction was grief and sadness- I've been one of the fortunate ones to have had my parents so much of my life, yet watching one decline ever-so-slowly and to be so terribly confused that a visit a few weeks back, he couldn't recognize me or even place me in relationship.
Surrendering a parent takes some special courage when you have so admired and adored them your entire life. God has known his deeds to advance the Kingdom of God. It is now His time and Dad's time to work out the "when" of this all.
I WILL miss him tremendously-even that confused funny wit of his that I have noted in this blog site. As I've written before- God is going to love him. Peaceful Passage, Ralph, "well-done good and faithful servant!"
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Always the Dad
It's been obvious for the duration of this blog, that my parents have dementia. Just a few weeks ago, I was preparing for some needed sinus surgery-As I do, I continue to have conversations with Dad about what's happening in my life. I mentioned having the surgery- and as usual, he surprised me with his response- "Don't worry- I'll be there to pick you up when you're done."
Let's keep in mind- the man no longer drives- he probably can't realistically even sit in a car anymore, but his intention is to continue to be the great Dad he always has been.
That night, I shed more than a few tears- My Dad has been so endearing, so sincere in his need to reach out to me in spite of his frailties. I miss the man he was and has been- I still think how nice it would be to have one parent still be mentally with me. So would like to know their observation of what's happening at this time in life.
Of note: I am not mentioning my Mom this time- Father's Day came with a confirmation that my Mom has no idea who I am anymore or what relationship we have. She, in fact, swatted at me when I leaned over to say good-bye to her- she swatted at me and when I told her I was her daughter, she responded with "Since when?" It wasn't that I didn't see that coming- I had suspected it for months but having the final "You no longer exist to me" experience, it's heartbreaking. Now I talk with her as if I'm merely a stranger-"Hello, Hilda, How are you today. Gee that's a nice outfit you're wearing today" and so forth.
She truly looked frightened when I told her the truth, so now we're just passing by each other.
I'm now recovering from sinus surgery- soon I have to then go on to the repair of my teeth that have deteriorated in the past 5 years- Did you know that stress affects your mouth chemistry, making your teeth vulnerable to cavities???? Well, I do now know-
Let's keep in mind- the man no longer drives- he probably can't realistically even sit in a car anymore, but his intention is to continue to be the great Dad he always has been.
That night, I shed more than a few tears- My Dad has been so endearing, so sincere in his need to reach out to me in spite of his frailties. I miss the man he was and has been- I still think how nice it would be to have one parent still be mentally with me. So would like to know their observation of what's happening at this time in life.
Of note: I am not mentioning my Mom this time- Father's Day came with a confirmation that my Mom has no idea who I am anymore or what relationship we have. She, in fact, swatted at me when I leaned over to say good-bye to her- she swatted at me and when I told her I was her daughter, she responded with "Since when?" It wasn't that I didn't see that coming- I had suspected it for months but having the final "You no longer exist to me" experience, it's heartbreaking. Now I talk with her as if I'm merely a stranger-"Hello, Hilda, How are you today. Gee that's a nice outfit you're wearing today" and so forth.
She truly looked frightened when I told her the truth, so now we're just passing by each other.
I'm now recovering from sinus surgery- soon I have to then go on to the repair of my teeth that have deteriorated in the past 5 years- Did you know that stress affects your mouth chemistry, making your teeth vulnerable to cavities???? Well, I do now know-
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