There are days you wonder what to do. This is especially poignant when you face the issue of deciding a loved one's future.
My Dad has been having what I now am calling chronic-terminal urinary tract infections. They started when his enlarged prostate no longer let him urinate normally and urinary catheters had to be inserted to allow him to pass urine. He's now had 5 hospital stays, numerous trips to the Emergency Department to replace the catheters he's pulled out and many visits from visiting nurses to manage the catheter care at the assisted living.
We are at a decision point about continuing care. While I've had many empathic responses about "How hard this must be for you..." the problem and the decision is with me as the Health Care Power of Attorney.
My Dad is alert- though often confused-the confusion ranging from being very confused to mildly confused. We still share some "giggles" between us- we've enjoyed watching two baseball games during this latest hospital stay- and have a special bond that allows us to sit quietly together without saying any words. But, trying to come up with the best scenario for him is tough. He misses my Mother who is at the Assisted Living facility whenever they are apart even a few days. So, is his generic "quality of life" defined by that? Being near Mom or keeping on with treatments?
So, sometimes, I wonder where God is in all this. And how much peace "that surpasses undertanding" will be imparted to me? It has been a challenging journey all along, and I'm still on the path...
so hard. Can't begin to empathize enough with you, not ever having to make any decision like this.
ReplyDeleteLove you and know that this is a tough spot, that you are trying to show that love the best way possible.
Praying for that guidance, peace, and God's will to be done to HIS glory and for everyone's peace.
Somehow, somewhere, we all make life changing decisions. I thought I was prepared for this-I've been preparing for this moment for at least 4 years, but maybe when the real time comes, it shakes you up despite "thinking" where you believe your emotions will be.
DeleteWhen I visit, my visits feel more intense- watching each quirk, each quick eye contact and those "knowing" glances that I want to have emblazoned on my memory of my Dad. We had a tender good-bye last week and he told me how he'd "Always wanted a daughter" while we had one of those goofy wheelchair hugs. It was another moment. A permanent snapshot in my memory.